Laff It Out

(1) This morning as I
was buttoning my
shirt a button fell
off.
After that, I picked
up my briefcase
and the handle fell
off.
Then I went to
open the door and
the doorknob fell
off.
I want to get into
my car and the
door handle came
off in my hand.
Now I’m afraid to
pee…

(2) Joke: Real Madness
A psychiatrist wanted to know how many of his patients have been cured of madness, so he assembled them in a classroom and drew a big door on the board.
He then told the class that if anyone could open the door on the board, that person would receive a gift of N20,000 and would be free to go home.
On hearing this, they all rushed to the board to open the door, except one young man who remained in his seat at the back smiling.
The psychiatrist, with joy and excitement on his face seeing that somebody has been cured of madness, went to him and asked, why didn’t u join your mates to open the door?
The young man replied, no mind those mad people, they are just fooling themselves, dem no know say the key dey my pocket…

(3) Mama went out for a drink with some of the top women. After they were through, the waiter brought their bill for them to pay; Mrs.Jonathan N10,400 Ngozi Okonjo N10,250 Dora Akunyili N10,450 Turai Yar’adua N10,200 Total N41,300 She said; I will pay foreveryone, but Total must pay for herself, i didn’t invite her, does she not own petrol stations all over Nigeria

(4) ABU: (In a comanding tune), Look Musa, I want my money right now…

MUSA: Ur disburbance is toooo much. .by the way, am I the only one owingin dis world? Infact I will kill myself to be free from U. He pulled a gun & shot himself dead.

ABU: Hahahaha! U r joking. If U think U can get away with my money, U r so wrong. I will follow U anywhere until U pay me. He takes the gun & shot himself dead as well

Kunle who was watching from a distance, laughed & said “These guys r really funny, I must watch this till the end”…. He also took the gun & shot himself…

INCASE U WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED NEXT, U KNOW WHAT TO DO.

(5) I met Chukwudi yesterday.
he was crying.
I asked;
what is the problem?. He replied; Nna ehn, wahala dey o!
I borrow Deji 2million Naira for face surgery.
Now, i can not Identify him again.

(6) Akpos was coming back from school, singing
and dancing, the father asked him and said
my son dis one dat u are happy, singing and
dancing, I have not seen u in dis mood for a
while now, the boy replied and said papa, u
will not be buying new textbooks, notebooks
and all the writing materials, the father
shouted, that’s my son, but wait oo, did u win
scholarship or something? D’Boy said noo, I
AM REPEATING THE SAME CLASS AGAIN…..

(7) A man wit an AK47 rifle ran in2 a church & pointd gun at d congregatn sayin “who is a child of God here,let me snd him 2 heaven”?D congregatn kept silent he den fired a shot in d roof.D congregatn shout“it’s d pastor!He always says dat he is a child of God”.Pastor replied;Wat kind of conspiracy is dis?Every1 here knows dat I am d son of Chukwudi and d grandson of Okeke,so wat is my busnes wit God,if na play make una stop am o.

(8) There was this guy at a bar, just staring at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and drinks it. The poor man starts to cry. The truck driver says to him, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry”. The poor man replied “No, it’s not that. Today is the worst of my life. First, I fell asleep, and I got to work late. My boss got angry and fires me. When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said they couldnt do nothing. I got a cab to return home, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards in the cab. The cab driver drove away with it. “I got home, and found my wife in bed with the gardener.I left home for this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you showed up and drank my poison.” guess what Happened?? The truck driver Started Crying..!

(9) Two blondes met in Heaven. “How did you die?”, the first one asked.”Oh! I died in a freezer,” the second blonde replied.” So how did you die?” The second blonde asked, “Well, I suspected my husband was having an affair, so one day, I came home early from work, I looked all over the house, trying to look for the other woman because I saw that my husband was naked. On coming upstairs from searching the basement, I slipped and broke my neck. I never got to find that woman,” replied the first blonde. The second blonde then says, “If only you looked in the freezer, maybe we both might still have been alive!”

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Cynthia nneka
    Jul 11, 2012 @ 05:58:50

    very funny!

    Reply

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